Instagram stories (my new obsession}

Hello all

Firstly apologies for the length of time I've been away.  Lets not dwell on that though.

So where were we? Oh Yes. I have a new obsession

THINGS I'VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH SINCE WE LAST MET

• Making sock monkeys (intended to sell them all, but then gave them all names and grew very attached.  Moved them all into my parents back bedroom. They now have 63 sock monkeys in there) I wish you could spend time with Derek, Titan, Brenda and Gloria. They're my favourites.
• Growing my nails.  I spent 41 years biting them then suddenly decided to stop. 2 years later and I look that like Indian bloke who hasn't bitten his nails since Woodstock.  Wiping my bottom is a challenge.
• Glossing every door in the house.  Forgetting to tell my family.  Spend hours afterwards washing my husband and kids clothes then dousing them in white spirit.  Wonder where the dogs are and then find them stuck to a door.  Spend a further 3 hours peeling them off the door and a further 3 months telling people they have a form of seasonal alopecia and that's the reason they are completely bald down one side.

Anyway back to the my latest obsession.

INSTAGRAM STORIES.

I've been in love with Instagram, like forever dude (often forget I'm 43 and believe myself to be Bill/and or Ted) but Instagram stories is brand new to me.

So I was in the car with Phil, and he was talking to me about work , so it's highly likely that I was about to slip into a coma (DO NOT RESUCITATE) then he stops talking (thank you higher power) and goes 'listen, it's Chris Ramsey'

REASONS I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR CHRIS RAMSEY'S NAME MENTIONED NEAR ME:

• We had tickets with friends to go and see Chris in Darlington and I got a Kidney infection.  I expected Phil to stay at home and look after me, as I was writhing in pain.  HOWEVER My husband decided it was wasteful not to go.  SO HE WENT!

• When Phil finally got in, his ridiculous face was damp with tears.  To this day he assures me that he was not crying at Chris Ramsey but instead weeping for the pain he knew I was in.

Anyway back to that Bastard Ramsey.  He was mentioning his wife (long suffering I'd imagine, bearing in mind he allowed his gig to go ahead while one of his fans wives was glugging cranberry juice and weeing into a sieve just to catch any stray kidney stones) So I decided to investigate....

@rosemarino1

Oh my god

I'm in love

Okay. So lets be sensible I'm 43 and it's really quite ridiculous to be obsessed with someone you haven't met.  However I'm entirely certain we are in some way connected. I've noticed that we both have eyes, and a head, and even more spookily, we wear headbands on our heads.

Phil (you might recall him from previous stories such as 'when that bastard left me at home dying from a kidney infection to go and see his mate Chris) is apparently sick of me popping up in front of him on a daily basis and singing:

Headband of the day

It's the headband of the day

Push your locks away with the head band of the day

Actually I need to admit that it isn't just my husband who is sick of the headband song.  It's my colleagues. My friends, My parents and my children.

So lets get back to Rosie's Instagram.

I am quite literally obsessed, as are many of my friends, so I've spent a few weeks trying to do the Rosie thing, with Robin and Chris.

I decided to video my children so I could share them on my story

WHAT AN ABSOLUTE DISASTER THAT WAS:

Robin might be the  cutest little thing ever. .However my 22 year old is not so adorable.

Me: Joe, have you had a lovely day? What have you been up to?

Joe: I've been at work. Go away

Me: I'm so happy to see you

Joe: Door closes in my face

I'll try again. This time with my 14 year old

Me: Syd, Hi

Syd: Hi

Me: How are you doing little dude

Syd: Mam, stop being weird.

So I'll try again.  I'm going to be 100% Rosie

• I try to do the talking into the camera thing. Instead of engaging people like Rosie does I end up looking all wide eyed and terrified like I''m being held hostage

• I try to look really cute like Rosie does effortlessly and I obviously struggle to know where to look.  I end up looking like one eye has gone to the shop and the other is coming back with the change.

• I desperately do my best to look all just woken up and dishevelled.  In reality I look like I've just been manhandled through a privet hedge

• I force everyone I know to do the 'Deli Alli' finger thing.  As a result the majority of my friends have bruised eye sockets.

I think for the mean time me and Phil will just continue with our best friend romances.

#teamrosie